I'm not very good at staying in touch.
But I am good at judging you when you don't try.

To be reminded of the loss of someone in my life hurts too much.

I dont like to feel sadness and to miss someone is pain.
Pain that I don't want,
and pain that I don't need.

So I check in rarely,
and never properly by phone.

I don't ignore when you call,
I watch the phone intently,
and I wait until the ringing stops

wishing that I was near you.

But I'm not sure what that means anymore.
I feel too raw to be seen.

I don't look like I used to
and I haven't seen a drug in years.

So I let you just love my memory,
from afar,
and never let you in.

Solitude and silence.
I regret but I cannot change.